Been feeling this lately. I miss some people who’ve hurt me deeply. It’s possible to miss those people while still understanding and continuing to keep boundaries in place, keeping them at a distance. But man… this has been a rough year and I’m still not sure how I’m going to move forward from it yet. I have a really difficult time releasing things that leave a strong emotional impact on me, especially if there’s no resolve. I envy folks who can move on and forget about people and things that hurt them so easily. I wish it was easy for me because I would like to get on with my life and feel happy again. I don’t want to hold onto it, I don’t like holding onto it, but it tends to stick when it’s the people I love and trusted. Granted… the circumstances of this year are still fairly fresh but it has really crushed a part of my spirit to a point I’m really not sure how to overcome it. Maybe I should go to therapy honestly lol. Might help and teach me how to release it for my own sake. In the past, I was able to find peace via communication, but in this circumstance, communication did not and will not work, so.. I need to figure out how to let it go with no resolve.
This year I was so sure we’d own our first home. It’s been a dream of mine for years. To have that dream ripped apart so easily and trust broken is not easy. It really hurts, because we made sacrifices in good faith that those we trusted would keep their word.
Lately I’ve just been feeling so sad. My heart is hurting. Definitely have depression at this point I think. Some days are better than others, but man. I don’t know. My motivation and spark in life just feels like it’s gone. I’ve been trying to pick back up but it just feels like there’s a road block in my mind and I don’t know how to get around it. I’m usually so creative, love working on creative projects. Love working on this site. Love crafting and creating things, but the spark is just gone right now. I’ve been trying to tinker a bit with my site though, doing little things. I think it might be helping, but when it comes to the bigger expansions I want to do, I just don’t have the drive for it. Just not in a great place right now, feeling broken and still trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces.
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